Our New Normal
Our new normal,
Consists of me constantly feeling like I’m losing my mind.
Like I’m drowning and can’t breathe properly.
It’s me wasting hours watching tik-toks while my kids tear apart our house.. It’s a giant pile of laundry that I can’t seem to finish. It’s a lack of motivation. It’s a void of human contact.
It’s me constantly struggling. A combination of needing my house to be cleaned, to actually not giving a shit and leaving a mess in my front room for days because I hardly leave my bedroom.
We had a “schedule” for the first week of quarantine.. it slowly turned a mess.
I don’t know when we will wake up in the mornings, I don’t know when I will feel mentally good enough to teach my children the letters of the alphabet, numbers, science, art and Spanish..
I know that at 11 o’clock every day, we get to leave our house and go to the school to get drive thru sack lunches for them to eat..
That’s about as much outside contact we have..
Because, I order groceries online.
The few times I have gone to the store, I've had panic attacks.
I don't want strangers to get close to me.
I literally shake the entire time I'm in a store.
So I order things from amazon- like coloring pages, stickers, snacks, and cleaning supplies... In order to keep myself sane.
We send care package back and fourth to family members..
My 3 year old asks me every day when she wakes up “is the corona birus gone so i can hug my nonna?”
And cries when I tell her it isn’t, and that I don’t know when it will be.
My 6 year old has developed sever anxiety.. she is having panic attacks, because her life has literally been turned upside down. But I can’t find a therapist who can take on new patients because COVID-19
I freak out if my children have a slight fever. If the thermometer says 99.0 I cry, what if I exposed them to something by letting them ride in the car and go get Dutch Bro’s as a treat?
But, this is our new normal?
How do you explain to a 6, 5 and 3 year old that they aren’t allowed to go play at the park? When it was something they did weekly?
What do you say when they ask you if they can go play with their neighbor friends because they see them outside, and need human contact?
I can say “stay six feet apart” until my face turned blue and they still wouldn’t understand why this is our life now because I don’t even understand why this is our life now.
I call my mom and breakdown over FaceTime because I don’t think I’m handling things properly.
I talked on the phone with my best friend and her husband while I was mid-meltdown because I can’t remember the last time I talked to another adult face to face without constantly reminding myself to social distance.
My family came to my house, and dropped off a few essentials for us..
They stayed 6 feet away.
We couldn’t even hug them, because “don’t touch people who don’t live with you.”
My husband, is an “essential” worker. So he’s gone most of the day.
I feel like a single parent- and like shout out to you guys for doing this all the time. I don’t know how you do it.
I’m a stay at home mom in the midst of a global pandemic, and I have a mental health disorder...
This is what runs through my head daily;
Domestic violence is up.
Shootings are up. 18 in the last week, locally.
My kids need their grandparents.
I need to snuggle my nephews.
I want to break quarantine.
If I go to the store and I don't wear my mask I will die.
I'm going to infect everyone I know.
I wanna get run over by a bus.
But, we are all so worried about the COVID-19 that we’ve forgotten how essential mental health is...
I’m just saying,
If you’re not okay right now-
I promise you are not alone.. even though I know it feels like you are.
This is my story.
This is our new normal.
Xo- Mini Mitchells